Been reflecting while combing through recipes for the holidays ~ I have reached the age where most of my life is behind me. Consequently, missing most of the people that were in my life and the traditions that ran through like a thread in woven fabric. Now, everything is moving like cyberspace; although, I noticed today that emails have gotten very slow in coming to one’s mailbox online. It would seem everything is texting and so few of my friends text but I do manage a few. I like texting as my hearing is not what it used to be ~ like everything else in my life ~ so rather not ‘talk’ on the phone. Though it would be good to have more daily human contact whether on the phone or in person. In person? What a novelty!
After ‘napping’ ~ not really, doggie wouldn’t let me sleep despite the cold cloudy day ~ My mind was racing about thoughts of Christmas past ~ much like Dickens in A Christmas Carol ~ I saw scenes from my life and felt the loving feelings that surrounded me yet it all seem to go by so fast. Arriving at this point in my life with very few of those people alive on this planet. I could see how Scrooge evolved into the lonely old miser. I am not a miser but I do get lonely at times and nostalgic and now is one of those times. I hardly feel, at times, that I belong on this planet. Anything trendy does not attract me, I am feeling very old physically and dealing with chronic pain and over all not long for this earth. Yet, I must outlive my little yorkie who has been my companion for 12 years now. I don’t want her to have to start over with some unknown owner. My small family is too busy to take on a little dog who loves her walks and attention regularly. So I must keep going for her.
Back to tradition ~ We seem to have lost something with each generation passing. Everything now is electronic, speed, and leaves me with a very empty feeling. There are few people left in my life to share any of those traditions. How the hell did this happen???
I am alone and for the most part I can handle my life that way. Right now though, I have no one to whom I could share my feelings so I am ‘reflecting on my blog’ where one can choose to read this or not. Thus, I don’t have to pretend a ‘jolly’ persona about the season. I don’t feel joyful about time at the moment. I feel I need to ‘let all these feelings out’ and stop the pain ~ emotional anyway, at least.’ I miss all those loving people that gave of themselves and made my Christmases so wonderful. I miss the giving and sharing love with them ~ It was not perfect ~ no one is perfect ~ It was loving. Grateful.
Bah, Humbug ~ sometimes it is just that way. ~ the ‘good, bad and the ugly.’ ~ Tis life.
Perspective ~ Always trying to keep my life in perspective. Is it easy? Sometimes. Other times I feel my brain is ‘out in left field somewhere. It has been a journey like most people’s a road with ‘bumps’ ~ other times a smooth ride.
Right now, I am dealing with some difficulties. I was given medication for a voice tremor over 20 years ago and now my body seems to be rejecting the medication. Detoxing is not a fun time. Combine that with the ‘aging factor’ and being single I try my best to rise above any fear and or anxiety. I practice morning meditation, walk, create, write haiku, do photography, do yoga as ways to alleviate any stress factors. Keeping it all in perspective can be difficult. This photo helps with linear perspective and could be a metaphor on the road of life. Step by step reaching goals with the knarly gremlins being the trees to the side of the bridge. Nothing in life really goes in a straight line. It is all about change. Every moment is change. Learning to ‘go with the flow’ as they say. I do have a tendency to forget that I am a ‘work in progress’ ~ only will be fixed when life is over.
So onward and upward soaring through the skies of life. Gather the strength and courage to work through my fears and live each day well. Keeping my perspective.
MORE REFLECTIONS: A new day dawning with bright sunshine lighting the way.
After last week and the many days ‘crowded with incidences’ , much like anyone’s life, today with its sunshine and crisp air is welcomed with great grace. Along with only a birthday event to attend later today, I have enjoyed the serenity of just being in the morning and afternoon.
I am in the autumn/winter of my life. I am tired and weary wondering what and where I belong, other than to myself and my dog. Yes, I have a small family and a small group of friends along with my creative abilities and yet, I experience these vague ‘veils’ washing over me now and again. What are these ‘veils?’ Hmm ~ It is it seems I see and feel the brilliant light of the day, the autumn colors decorating the land, my sweet yorkie being so loving and yet ….. I am weary as I sway with the plants in this photo ~ I want Walt Whitman to ‘rock me gently’ while I go gently into the night.Those are the veils that ‘wash over me, now and again.I can’t go ‘gently into the night, it is not time you see’, the little Yorkie is here to remind me I am needed. I am ‘one with myself’ so I will let the world dance on by today. Live in the moment and do the simple tasks of the day with a smile and warmth in my heart. Avoid the ‘dust’ settling over this country and hope for the best.
She, my little yorkie and I will go to the birthday party and marvel at the extraordinary in the ordinary. Wish the birthday woman a Happy Birthday, that one day that is her’s alone’ ~ special. We will return to home and I will organize my other blog for the week then relax and read. Then go gently into the bedroom to read, then sleep and dream and be thankful for the life I have and have had ~ I have been blessed and am blessed. That should be enough, shouldn’t it????
Let the ‘veils’ wash over me and down into the ocean ~ namaste. ❤